Though RJ and I both work full time and make a fairly good amount of money, we are sinking fast. Not drowing yet, but sinking. The boat which has been afloat since 1983 has a hole in it, and though we are trying to plug the hole, water keeps seeping in. I find that a shame. The shame is that we have zero vices. We do not smoke. We do not drink. We do not do drugs. We do not party. We do not go out to the movies. We do not go on expensive vacations. We work, we eat, we sleep. Basically we are working hard to bail ourselves out, but finding it more and more difficult.
When I reflect on why we are in this position, I can think of several reasons. Number one, I have had 3 surgeries in 3 years. Add to that MRI's that are $750.00 a pop on a yearly basis. Ultrasounds and mammograms twice a year for breast cancer, that damn beast. I have fallen 3 times in the last year, which has resulted in hospital/urgent care visits, and orthopedics. I have an allergist that orders a $700.00 blood work up every single year, and I have to keep up with bloodwork due to the medications I have been prescribed since 1998. All of this adds up to thousands of dollars. When we didn't have the cash, we put it on a low interest credit card. When that filled up, we took out another card. Oh woe is me.
Second, we have been fighting with JH's mom for rights to see him. Lawyers are important people, but damn they charge an arm and a leg. Add to that we have been paying child support on JH every week for the last year. It is only $125.00 a week, but let's add that up. We buy everything he needs here, and he is growing like a weed. I don't resent any of that. JH is a precious part of our family, and he needs us. Sad day!
Third, we have a young adult son who can not get his act together. He has had multiple arrests for stupid little petty shit. Some of it was just him being stupid, and not thinking about the consequences. Some of it was immaturity. Most of it was being with the wrong people, and that in itself makes me sick. Having to hire lawyers for him to help keep his record clean has cost us a fortune. I do resent that. We purchased him a vehicle which he was to pay for. He paid a few payments, and then lost his job. So, yea there is all of that. We have tried tough love, letting him live in a trailer with no heat/air/food/vehicle/ nothing but him and his gf T. He stuck right with her, and she stuck right with him. Reminded me of that show where you just strand people and see what happens. When it got really dangerous, as in people around him were dangerous, we allowed him to come home. He was ever so thankful for a while, but finally just settled in as if he was deserving of a free ride from his parents. His record is causing him trouble getting a job, and he is depressed about that. He has been somewhat suicidal. We have been in a pickle as to handle that. On one hand we want to kick his tail to the moon, or at least to the next county. On the other hand we have to live with our choices. Regret is a poor bedfellow. So what do we do? We talk, and we talk, and we talk. Bleh!
RJ's job screwed us over the past two years by changing their pay dates, cutting out overtime, and just basically changing how they are paid, and what for. When you get used to getting paid every single Thursday, it is difficult to adjust to changes. It affected how we paid our bills, and we don't appreciate it. What do you do? Well you suck up your sucky opinion, pull on your boots, and go on to work. Bite your tongue, and do whatever they ask you to do. Beginning in Jan. RJ has to pay $50-70 more dollars per week for insurance to cover the family. Add to that the new deductibles, which are $3000. per person out of pocket BEFORE the insurance pays a penny. Did I mention I take a medication that is $5000 for a 3 month supply? Yep! This news set RJ in a panic for a day or so, but then we just decided to heck with worrying about it. One day at a time.
My job is busy. I am thriving. The problem is I don't get paid as much as I should, and that hurts us. I haven't kept up with the cost of living, and that makes it hard to afford much. I charge the least in my town of all the daycares. I did take a $10. per child raise about a year ago, and another one this week. That is $70.00 more a week, and then $70.00 more a week. Hopefully that will help chop down these bills. I have slowed down on my photography sessions due to having JH for 2 weeks out of each month. It is hard to fit it all in with my 50 hour week full time job. I do a few a year, but nothing like I was doing. So that spare money trickled out. I need a clone!
Another issue is that everything has gone up. Food, insurance, cell phones, cable, gas. Our light bill this summer was between $350-450.00 per month. It is nice to have a large home, but it costs a fortune to heat and cool it. We have four vehicles we are insuring, a house, and ourselves. If you don't get more money as the bills go up, then you sink. So you learn to paddle, and bail that water to stay afloat. Here we go..bail.
This could all get rather depressing very quickly except for one thing. I have learned in my lifetime that the only true thing that matters is the people you love. All of this material stuff is just that, stuff. It can all go up in smoke at any moment. If a tornado rolled though here, or even a fire and destroyed every single thing I own, I would still be standing. As long as I have my husband, my children, my grandchild, and my pets, I would be fine. I may not like it, but it is nothing next to losing the people you love. As long as I have my people, that is really all I need. Oh I love my comforts, but they don't keep me alive. They don't make me feel loved. They don't make me laugh. They don't hug me, or call me on the daily. Family is where it is at. Material things are just fluff and stuff. Not that I will just go bankrupt and lose everything. Nope! I will keep moving things around until I can get it all paid off. That is just what you do in this situation. Circle the Wagons, pool the money, and make a list of necessities, then pay the bills. So far we have been able to pay on time. That is the goal.
My daughter Sunshine was telling me about a new app that helps you organize the bills, and keep up with your money. It would be interesting to put all of this onto that site and see what it says. I'm sure it would flash a big red sign that says ABORT! Or it might say WTF PEOPLE? LOL! Maybe it would help us to remain calm as we get this all together. Maybe it would show us that it is not as bad as we think it is. That is always a possibility. Wouldn't that be something. I'd love to have an app that gave me a big reward for everytime I paid a bill on time. A big "Way to Go", and "Here is a Hug you Super Human Being You." Maybe then I would feel like I am not working 9.5 hours a day to stay on this ferris wheel of a ride I am on. I guess I will find out. RJ wouldn't go for it, but he doesn't have to know everything. Right? Yep!
So if this post did not just depress you all to hell and back, please leave me some encouragemt. Tell me you are in the same shape, or maybe even worse. I hope it isn't worse, but be honest. Is it just me, or does it seem like it is much harder to live now a days? Tell me your sob story, and I'll hold your hand to make you feel better. Whatever is going on in your life, chin up..chest out...and keep moving forward. I will, if you will.
peace :D shemelts